Life is so full of ups and downs. I feel like on my blog I only show the ups. Probably because I plan on having this printed one day and I don't really want to remember the down times. The other reason is because sometimes the down times are so personal and private, sharing them on a blog isn't right. But to be honest... there are days I question myself and my decisions.
I think my children deserve a mom that is always happy, doesn't EVER yell, has all the answers, has enough energy to keep up with them, has endless entertainment ideas and tons of talent to teach them what they need to know in life. I know, there isn't a mom out there like that, but I still wish I was better than I am.
A year and a half ago I wrote THIS. I still feel that way. Yes, I'm still at home with my girls. Most days it's okay, but there comes a time when the sirens go screeching by the house and my heart does a little jump and I get a lump in my throat. I truly miss working. Sometimes I feel like my days, talents and education are wasted at home. That it's the same old things, day after day, and none of it even matters. That I'm not making a contribution to society. Nobody would know if I stayed in my jammies all day... (it's been known to happen...) BUT, then I look at these two girls and I remember that the Lord has prompted me to be home with them. To be here raising them. To teach them. To love them. It reminds me that what I'm doing matters to them. They don't really care if I'm in my jammies all day... at least I hope they don't. Motherhood is all about sacrifices. Sometimes those sacrifices are small... like, I eat after everyone else has finished, or, I don't get a moment to be by myself all. day. long. Sometimes the sacrifices are bigger... like giving up my dream job. BUT, whatever we are asked to sacrifice, the Lord makes it right. He blesses us for the sacrifice given. We might not recognize the blessings right off, but they do come eventually, and they are exactly what we need. That's what I've learned over the past year or so. It's all about Faith. Faith in the Lord to make us and our lives better than we can on our own.
13 scribbles...:
AMEN!
Dru and I have a private blog, just for him and I, no one is invited, and we write personal stuff on there that we don't want the world to know, yet will still be printed out in our blog book for our kids to know.
It's a struggle I have all the time, should I write down how things REALLY are or should I try to keep things positive.
Then I think how grateful I would be for the truth of how my mum did, day to day with us kids and I think I'd LOVE IT. It'd be so nice to know her ups and downs, and lets get serious, most of it is UPS with a few downs right?
I sympathize with you Carrie. I think it's important to be honest with our feelings and then work through them. We don't need to world to know but I think it's great you can be honest with yourself.
You seem to have a good outlook on it though and with searching and reading other mothers blogs HAVE to know you're not ALONE and are truely loved and admired by people, like me.
I'm sorry about your struggle with work, it's gotta be hard, I'm so sorry, but I hope, like you said, that you can focus on the reason and that can continue to pull you through the tough times.
I struggle with never getting a minute to myself either LOL
We should all just leave our kids with our husbands and go to that BYU womens conference every fall.
Man that sounds like bliss to me!!
One day I'll get there, one day I won't be pregnant or nursing or have a busy husband who can't do it this year........one day man, that's the goal.
Wanna come?
I admire you for filtering your brain, but I love it that you are real too...you have found a very good balance I think. My filter feels a little clogged lately ;)
When I experience moments like yours, I have to think back to Sister Beck's talk, "Mothers Who Know." You are definitely a mother she described, and your girls are so blessed to have you.
I hear ya girl - we as mothers sacrifice so much sometimes and feel like it's never enough and yet so much at the same time. I agree that it's all worth it though - you're a wonderful mom and I know your girls will one day thank you for always being there.
Perfectly put Carrie. I think most of us feel the same way. I feel terrible when I yell or don't have enough patience or enough energy to think of anything to do. That's when I have to remind myself at night that tomorrow is a new day and we can always start afresh. As for sacrificing, you reminded me of a talk I just read the other day by Elder Wirthlin titled, "Come What May and Love It" from Oct. '08 conf. He talks about the principle of compensation. He said that the Lord will compensate the faithful for every loss/sacrifice a hundred fold. That's BIG!
Hang in there.
I could not have found a better person to spend eternity with. You have given up so much, and the girls and I will forever be grateful for it. Your sacrifice does not go unnoticed.
That's my wife everyone!! *clap clap* Give her a hand!! *clap clap*
You have taken the words right out of my life. There isn't a stay at home mom that doesn't feel that way. You are not alone.
Faith, it's all about faith. Keep up what you are doing. You are wonderful!
Carrie, I just love you and your insight and the fact that you are a part of our family!
You speak the words of all mothers, whether in the home or working....I have those thoughts on a continuous basis. I often wonder if my mother had those same thoughts and how did she deal with them.....did what she did with all of us matter and have worth? Well, definitely!!! This past weekend proves that. Someday your girls are going to gather and reminisce like we do about our mother! You are so wonderful and I just love you to pieces!
Another piece of wonderful advice that I received from my Dad in my deepest and darkest days, "Never live life by 'what if!" What if I had done this..... What if this had been different....... Never look back. Always look forward and what you can do to change something that needs to be changed!
You are SO not alone with this. We all want to be better. Especially for our children, I think. I struggle with those same feelings. The other day I was SO grateful to be making cupcakes with my kids simply because I have been so busy that I didn't even make the time to spend with them! I question my choices EVERY SINGLE DAY... Are we doing what the Lord wants us to do? Its hard... but you are not alone. Come be in your jammies at my house, it happens a lot lately, but I don't care, it makes me get a lot done :)
your are awesome, seriously, I thin you are GRRRR-8!
carrie! you are incredible! just reading this post proves it. you have given up so much, but i PROMISE, the Lord knows the desires of your heart, and he will fulfill them in interesting ways. i had some dreams in high school that i had to give up, and by the time i had let go of it, Heavenly Father sent exactly what i was looking for my way. it's crazy how it all works, but it just fits together. and it will all come together when you least expect it, or when you're not looking for it. the hard part is patience and faith to let go and follow His plan. and really, His plan is actually your plan with added joy times 100! :D
Oh Carrie how I love and admire you. I get you and I KNOW you get me! You are just better at this stuff than I was. You will never regret the sacrifices... and Sam is right. The lord will send all your desires X100!
AMEN... All mothers that stay at home feel this way Carrie!! I know cause mine are mostly raised and 2 are out of the house!! Looking back, I now that I made the right choice to be home, and looking at how great the older boys are I can truly say wow! THATS why it was important!
You said it all exactly how I would. I SO feel the same way a lot of the times!! Even the whole pj's all day! What a great post, and it's good - so good to be straight up HONEST sometimes. It helps us all feel a little more human! Your girls, and your man, are SOOO lucky to have you!!
Thanks for the honesty!
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