What's your take?

I've been wondering a lot lately.... Is it normal that I feel guilty when I leave my kids and husband to go do something for me? Whether it is to go out with some girlfriends, or to just be by myself and enjoy a couple minutes without kids asking for something, or to make an extra stop at a store so I don't have to go home 'just quite yet...' I even felt guilty attending the Relief Society broadcast and dinner last weekend. Tagen and Olivia had a rough night while I was gone and poor Brad was left to deal with it on his own.

Is it normal to feel the guilt that I do? I know Brad wouldn't want me to feel guilty, in fact he has told me he doesn't. I know he's capable of handling the kids on his own. I know they love time with dad. I know it's good for them and for me.... but that doesn't make the guilt go away. Is it a part of a mother's DNA to feel guilty about so much? Is it an intrinsic quality that will make sure we come back to our families after those moments of being away? If this isn't normal, how do I get rid of the guilt? I try to figure out what I would do if I was still working at the firehouse and would be gone all day and all night? Would I be able to function? Or would I have less guilt because I'd be bringing in some extra money?

I'm just trying to figure out if I'm normal or "really far gone." If you have any amazing insight, I'd love to hear it... I think. Unless I start to find out that none of you have the same guilt I do then I might just get a bigger complex.

Getting tubed....

We took Tagen to PCMC to get tubes put in her ears this morning. This poor little thing has had endless earaches for a year now. It's been so hard to watch her get sick time after time. When we opted for placing the tubes, we felt really good about it. We had to check in at 6:15 A.M. Her surgery was scheduled for 7:45 A.M. Dr. Steven Kelly from Mt. West ENT did her surgery. Everything went really good and we were surprised at how quickly the procedure was done. From the time they took her from our arms to go back to the O.R. to the time the doctor showed up in the waiting room was no more than 15 minutes. Tagen did remarkably well with the anesthesia and with the recovery. The doctor told us she had a lot of thick fluid behind the left eardrum that he had to suction out. That wasn't really a surprise to us since she's had fluid on that ear for over a year now. We hope this is the means to an end of ear infections and a chronically sick child. She's doing fantastic today since we've been home and we just hope it continues that way.

In the pre-op room getting her changed into the surgery gowns.

Brad said it best... "they are so cute in a sad kind of way."

Tagen keeping herself entertained...

Her last picture in pre-op.

Right after she woke up in recovery. She wanted OUT of that place.

Trying to keep her distracted with the T.V.

Finally! She can drink and eat again. Try explaining to a 19 month

old why they can't eat or drink before surgery.... Not fun.

She kept trying to lead Brad and I out of the room and out of the hospital.

She was truly DONE with that place. I love this little open gown shot.

PCMC truly is a remarkable place and I'm grateful to have them so close by,

however, I won't be hurt if we don't return there for a very long time.

Preschool

Olivia started preschool last week. She is LOVING every minute she is there and can't figure out why she doesn't get to go every day of the week. We went to an "open house" to meet her teacher, Mrs. Wing, on September 2nd. While we were there, she had all the kids color a picture, then she ironed it onto these bags. Now each kid has a school bag that they decorated all by themselves. Olivia loves it. We are already really liking Mrs. Wing and I think Olivia is going to have a great year attending her preschool.

These first pictures are from the day she met Mrs. Wing and made the bag. And although not her first "official" day of preschool, we felt it needed to be remembered. I'm glad I took the pictures because Olivia (and Tagen) both added a lot of personality and laughter to the photo session....

The obligatory 'first day of school' posed picture.

Tagen felt left out I guess and decided to make her presence known....

This picture completely cracks me up.

She stood there giving me that look for about a minute.

Her expression never changed. Poor Olivia was upstaged.

Not to be outdone, Olivia started pulling some different poses.

I have NO IDEA where she learned these moves from....

She is pretty dang cute however!

This last photo was from her "Official" first

day of school on the 7th of September.

I have to admit... it felt a little weird while I was driving off after leaving her at Mrs. Wing's. She proudly and confidently walked up to the door and inside all by herself and didn't seem to give me a second thought. Knowing that she was spending part of her day doing things with someone I barely knew was exciting and a little disconcerting. But, seeing the smile on Olivia's face when I picked her up 2 hours later provided the calming assurance I needed.

Remembering 9/11

We took advantage of today's wonderful weather that was so reminiscent of the weather 9 years ago to teach our daughters a little about our nation's history. We took them out to the field of flags in Sandy. They place a flag for each individual lost in the 9/11 attacks. They've since added a flag for veterans lost in the wars since that day. It was a truly humbling and sobering experience to walk among the thousands of flags and realize they each represented a person. It was difficult to explain to Olivia how our nation was attacked. I know she felt something while there. In fact, as we were walking among the flags, she turned to Brad and I and said, "I love feeling the Spirit here."

This flag has the names of each individual lost in the attacks on the dreadful day.

Brad explaining about the reason for the flags.

I truly love this photo.

I am grateful for the flag, for our country, and especially for the men and women who continue to fight for our many freedoms. I pray that our country will always remember the sacrifices made by so many. That we remember the way we all felt 9 years ago as we were glued to the TV sets and watched in horrible amazement. I pray that we will be united once again as we were in the days, weeks and months following 9/11.

Olivia-isms

Olivia has gotten pretty sassy lately. She likes to think she's in charge. Recently when I asked her to pick up all her books before she watched a movie, I got this reply.... "Let me tell YOU something mom... Here's how things are going to go. I'll eat chips, watch my movie, and YOU clean up my books, otay?"

When leaving a friends house the other night, Olivia told me she knew she hadn't obeyed very well. I agreed. She then said,

"Mom, let's just pretend that I obeyed good and then we can all be happy!"

I love that she calls tongue depressors - toothpicks.

One day while pretend playing I heard Olivia say the following..."Welcome to town, President Monson! That's what this ticket says mom. It says, the Prophets and Jesus live on PBS.org and they are coming to town!!!! Isn't that tool (cool), mom?"

Recently while playing in the sprinklers with her cousins, Olivia asked for a "umberella". When her aunt asked why she needed one, she said, "So I can run through the sprinklers and not get wet!"

While making her lunch one day, Olivia asked for some chips to go with her sandwich. I asked what kind she would like. She told me, "The ones that are really really red and shaped like triangles that make your lips hurt." I could only guess she was talking about Dorito's Nacho cheese chips, but I don't understand the lips hurting part....

One of my favorite Olivia quotes. "Milk is a pretty good idea. It makes your cereal feel better."

She calls mashed potatoes, "Smashed potatoes." I promise, I don't add any alcohol to my mashed potatoes while making them.

Tagen Tidbits...

Tagen is 18 months old already! I'm having somewhat of a hard time believe it. And even though I'm thoroughly enjoying her time in nursery and watching her learn new things every day, there is a tiny part of me that wants to see it slow down.... just a little.

She is still a complete ham and a little bundle of joy.

I recently took her to her 18 month check up where she was treated for yet another ear infection.... (tubes will be coming soon....) She checked out very healthy and on track overall. Here are her stats.

Weight: 24 lbs (75%) Length: 33.6" (95%) Head Circumference: 18 3/4" (50%)

One week after her appointment, she started with another sore in her diaper area like she had in April. We are treating her with the heavy antibiotic, Clindamycin, again. I think we caught it fast enough this time so we won't end up at Primary Children's. Whew! But, even with all that garbage going on, she's still playing hard and enjoying each moment of the day.

A few things she is really into right now is coloring. She REALLY likes to color. She especially likes to color my walls, the floor and her highchair. Thank goodness for Mr. Clean erasers! She loves playing with her big sister, dolls, and sidewalk chalk. She's saying a few words. Her favorites are Mommy, Daddy, baby, bubble, Papa, nose, mouth, Oea (Olivia), Nana (food), Me!, Yay!, and Weeeee! The last two are usually shouted while she's really enjoying what she's doing. She loves watching animals of every kind as long as they aren't directly in her face.

Her favorite foods are craisins, grapes, cheese, bread, frosted mini-spooners, apples, bananas, watermelon,

pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and banana bread muffins.

Missing in Action

My lack of blogging lately is MOSTLY due to this.....................

Yes, I'm pregnant.

I am 12 weeks along and finally feeling like I might be coming out of the 1st trimester "Zombie land." I feel mostly good. No real morning sickness, no throwing up... I'm. just. completely. EXHAUSTED. I haven't been to the doctor yet because my wonderful OB has been out of the country doing humanitarian work. I have my first appointment next week.

So, our little family of four will be increasing in February. My actual due date is Valentine's day. It feels like Déjà vu because that was Tagen's due date also.

So, please forgive me for my lack of blogging both here and on my picture blog.

I'm hoping to have more energy to be able to do more pictures soon.