I've been wondering a lot lately.... Is it normal that I feel guilty when I leave my kids and husband to go do something for me? Whether it is to go out with some girlfriends, or to just be by myself and enjoy a couple minutes without kids asking for something, or to make an extra stop at a store so I don't have to go home 'just quite yet...' I even felt guilty attending the Relief Society broadcast and dinner last weekend. Tagen and Olivia had a rough night while I was gone and poor Brad was left to deal with it on his own.
Is it normal to feel the guilt that I do? I know Brad wouldn't want me to feel guilty, in fact he has told me he doesn't. I know he's capable of handling the kids on his own. I know they love time with dad. I know it's good for them and for me.... but that doesn't make the guilt go away. Is it a part of a mother's DNA to feel guilty about so much? Is it an intrinsic quality that will make sure we come back to our families after those moments of being away? If this isn't normal, how do I get rid of the guilt? I try to figure out what I would do if I was still working at the firehouse and would be gone all day and all night? Would I be able to function? Or would I have less guilt because I'd be bringing in some extra money?
I'm just trying to figure out if I'm normal or "really far gone." If you have any amazing insight, I'd love to hear it... I think. Unless I start to find out that none of you have the same guilt I do then I might just get a bigger complex.
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Yeah I feel guilty if you must know the truth, but I try really hard not to cause I know I need it and Dru is quite capable of looking after his kids without me.
But........yeah.....I feel a twinge, basically every, single, time.
My vote, you're normal, BUT we need to work hard to not feel it especially if it's only every now and then and if we need it for our sanity.
It's good for our kids to be with their fathers, alone and good for the fathers, just every now and then.
It's funny cause logically, we know we shouldn't feel guilty, yet it's always in the back, way back there, whether I wanna admit it or not.
Maybe it is a homing beacon for us as mothers, which is a good thing right?
Alright, well this was one big long ramble.
I think that is normal too. I feel guilty alot too when i go out and i have been going more frequently and tried to go out more and do stuff for myself before i had my last baby. The only thing you can do it try not to feel guilty about it and try to enjoy yourself.
Oh, the guilt only builds as you watch your family grow and you find yourself making mistakes and see how those mistakes affect your kids... Guilt up the wazoo!!!
However, I think it's God's way of making sure we have enough "guilt" built up inside us so that when our children are grown we can share it back with them. How else do we get them to call us???
You are doing great! Love ya!!!
i think its normal to feel guilty... but i do not feel guilty when i go out and leave dave to watch the kids. i NEED the "break". just keep going out and doing stuff on your own, we all need a break so we can be good moms/wives.
How can you refuel if you do not take a moment or two for you. The girls are not harmed in any way by being away from their mom for a few minutes, or even an hour or two. They learn to appreciate their mother and the work she puts forth for them. They also learn to look forward to those moments when they get Daddy all to themselves. Give yourself a pat on the back and tell yourself, you deserve this moment. That is what your husband would want you to do!
The concensus, Carrie, is it's normal to feel the guilt but that you take the time to re-boot your 'umph' to get up and do the many duties that you do day in and day out. You, as a mom, need to be uplifted and edified so that you can give your all to your family and the only way to do that is to take the little moments that are offered and enjoy them. I guess you could say that my job was my out when I was a single mom but most importantly I also made it a point to make special time for my boys. We did date night every pay day and we would either go to dinner or go for ice cream and play fooz ball. Take time for you but make time for them too. You are already doing that and you are doing a fantastic job! You are a normal Mom! :)
My insight is not amazing...you are totally NORMAL!!! TRUST ME ON THIS ONE:)
Last week, TONS of guilt. This week, ZERO.
I highly recommend therapy. LOL.
I'm sure you've heard this: ain't nobody happy if Mama ain't happy. Soooo, schedule regular "breathers" from your little kiddos. And, no matter what the little guilt gremlin on your shoulder is whispering in your ear, remember this: it's good for them, it's good for Brad, and it's good for you. Consider such outings as time well spent refilling the "bucket". You know, the bucket you're always dipping into as you provide love and service, 24/7, to your family. You can't give out any more ANYTHING if you're empty, right? So, don't ever let the bucket get empty.
There is no such thing as a mother without guilt :) I wish there was a quick easy answer I could give you that would make you feel better. I do think you definitely have to pick and choose, and not do everything that is out there, but I also feel that the opportunities dads have to spend occasional alone time with their kids are not only good for you in the form of a much-needed break, but some of my kids' most precious memories with their dad happen when I am not around. Plus, it makes my evil psychi feel better knowing my husband is realizing, sometimes painfully, that being a mom is a little harder than it may look ;) Not that Brad doesn't already get that, cuz he's a smart guy...he picked you didn't he?! ;)
Carrie-Lou... I am clearly not a mother, but I do know a thing or two... one of which is that you are an incredibly amazing mother. Take time to recharge so you can continue to be that awesome mom. I love you girl!
For what ever its worth Carrie, men feel this way too. I feel guilty when I am doing something for me and Jill is home with the kids, missing out on what ever it is I am doing. I think "I should be home helping her" or "I know that Jill wants to do stuff but sent me on my trip instead." The bad part of this way of thinking is it takes some of the pleasure out of it and the moment doesn't seem as shinny anymore. So I think we all just have to say "We know that its not a daily thing and we just need to enjoy the moment to its fullest." We need to know that one day it will be our spouse that is out doing and we are home attending to family and we would want them to enjoy their moment to its fullest. Right? Love ya Sis.
Yep, your normal. I think we all feel that way. At least I do. I have gotten better over the years of feeling guilty. I don't know if that is because the kids are older or if it's me. Whatever the reason don't stop doing things for yourself. You need that time so you can be a great mom when you are with them.
I feel guilty for many things, but going out and doing something for me just isn't one of them. I figure that he helped make em, he can watch em while I get a little me time. I don't feel guilty, but deserving. Guilt isn't good. You should not feel guilty for a little me time, a lot of me time, maybe ;)
Well, I think by now, you know that we all think you are perfectly NORMAL!! I don't have kids at home any more, but to keep the guilt going (why do we women do this??), I feel guilty even when I'm sitting around reading that novel I've been wanting to get to. I think I should be cleaning something or doing something else that needs to be done. It's ridiculous. I don't even get in the exercise I know I need because I seem to be busy with stuff that "needs" to be done. It's crazy, and I know how you feel!
You are certainly normal to feel guilty. Please do not let that stop you from getting away.
You need to live by the Flight Attendent's motto: Put on your mask first, then help your children. Meaning, you need to take care of yourself and your well being, it will make you much better able to take care of your children.
In regard to your thought about if you would feel less guilty if you were working - the answer is no. You would have less time with your kids and you would feel guilty for different reasons.
I am certain you are doing the right thing.
Geez, i'm starting to feel guilty about not feeling guilty! I always felt daddy was in the deal as well as me, so he was supposed to have his share of babysitting time. I remember wondering if they would all survive, but I never felt guilty about taking time out for me. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!? Guess I'm a realist, huh?
Geez, i'm starting to feel guilty about not feeling guilty! I always felt daddy was in the deal as well as me, so he was supposed to have his share of babysitting time. I remember wondering if they would all survive, but I never felt guilty about taking time out for me. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!? Guess I'm a realist, huh?
I used to feel really guilty about leaving Roslyn for me time when I worked full time. That guilt went away quickly on my second or third full day home!! LOL Now, I just feel guilty for other things. It never ends.
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