I have thought so much about WHO I am lately. What is my identity? Where do I get it from? As I look at my postings on my blog, I realized that it is almost ALL about my two kids. I started wondering.... Do I have a life of my own now that I'm a mom? Is this what my world consists of? My two kids? Is that all I can find to blog about? I'm sure people get tired of reading about my two completely adorable and beautiful kids all the time, right? Well, maybe.
I started thinking about all that I have done in my life that has given me an identity. I have been know as many things... A waitress. A lumber yard store clerk. A school newspaper editor. A gas station attendant. A Bishop's daughter...(not that kind of Bishop's daughter.) A Sister. A Daughter. A Friend. A dancing partner. An Aggie. An Institute Council Member. An EFY Counselor. Brad's wife. Olivia and Tagen's mom. A Firefighter/Paramedic. And now, a Stay At Home Mom. I have gotten different levels of pleasure from each title. I used to get the most pride from the title of Firefighter/Paramedic. There is just something so cool about being a female and being able to say, "Yes. I'm a firefighter." Or, "No, those firefighter license plates are MINE. Not my husband's." I will admit it... Prideful? YES. But I LOVED being able to claim that title. When I quit working to stay at home, and earned a new title... SAHM, I often wondered if I'd ever "be cool" again. Would I ever be able to say, "Yes, I am a .........................." and feel so awesome again? Whatever the job title would be.
(One of my first gigs as a firefighter. I love this photo.)
Then a couple months ago while in an interview with our Stake President,
he asked a couple simple questions that really put me in my spot. He truly humbled me. He reminded me that...
"My job is what I do. It's not WHO I am. I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father. That's where my worth comes from.
Not from being a firefighter, but from being HIS daughter."
I sat there and thought about his insight. I've thought about it many times since. My identity and self worth should come from the knowledge of having a Divine Birthright. Not from a really cool job that I once had. Then I realized I still have a really cool job. Yes, there are no recognitions and red lights and sirens with my current job that there were with the last. But, there is a loving Heavenly Father and two very beautiful daughters that recognize what I'm doing each day. I'm doing what He asked me to do, and I'm serving where I'm needed. Does it get hard? Yes. Does it feel the same each day? Yes. Am I doing something for my children that only I can do? YES. Am I the best mom for my kids? I'm trying.
I know I've posted similar thoughts here before, but it seems like I need a reminder every so often of what is truly important in life. Humility is a hard thing to hold on to. I'm grateful that for now, my identity crisis is over and that I've once again learned WHO I am. I hope I never forget.
8 scribbles...:
Great post Carrie! That came after hours of homework with Trevor. I needed to be reminded too.
Oh, girl, you have the market cornered on coolness, trust me. There isn't anything I can think of that you have tried your hand at that you haven't completely excelled at...dancing, photography, compassion and patience with overly messy and annoying roommates, and on and on and on...motherhood is no exception.
I love how you said our identity doesn't even come from that title...awesome awesome insight, thank you.
Yeah man you're way cool just being a firefighter like EVER. Way cool.
What's an Aggie?
Great thoughts.
Keep posting them as much as you need.
Our blog is sometimes our outlet.
Thanks so much for sharing that - I really needed it today. I think sometimes the world really gets us thinking that if we aren't out doing something really cool and making ourselves known (to the world), then we really aren't worth anything. But you're right, nothing could be further from the truth - just being a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves us makes us worth everything and more. Thanks for helping me get through a rough, mundane morning where I was really needing a pick-me-up!
YOU. ARE. AN. AMAZINGLY. COOL. WOMAN.
I admire your honesty and I understand how you feel about your job. BUT also remember how COOL you are to those little girls who look up to you and depend on you.
That was so neat to read. What you "said" was a good reminder, and gave me a lot to think about. I often have the same thoughts that you mentioned. Thanks for that!
I have been so blessed to be able to stay home with my little ones and believe me, the difference that makes! As a former third grade teacher it didn't take me long to see who had a stay at home mom and who didn't. I know society tends to look down on stay at home moms, but should we expect anything less? Now I work and my youngest is 13 but I can be home before he comes home from school and get off for anything family wise :) But my co-worker is not so lucky. She brought in her 4month old for the afternoon on Friday and as I held her my heart broke for them both. She will miss so much of the little things that are so very important! I just consider myself blessed to have been a stay at home mom, and hope you will too. Believe me working is much easier than working at home!!! Find joy in this part of your journey.... while it lasts:)
Great post, Carrie. I'm empathizing. Being on the far end of where you are, I can suggest you remind yourself to relish where you're at right now, because it will be gone and then you'll be saying things like "where did the time go?" or "they grew up too fast" and all those other things. We need to be reminded to enjoy the journey more often, and that's what your post said to me. Love you muchly!
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